blinders

My mind began to swim in a way that shut out everything but her.  The tiny details of her costume.  The contours of her shape.  The light in her eyes.  The smallness of her feet...I knew that the love between us would be served. 

Melville

Where lies the final harbor, whence we unmoor no more?  In what rapt ether sails the world, of which the weariest will never weary? Where is the foundling's father hidden?  Our souls are like those orphans whose unwedded mothers die in bearing them: the secret of our paternity lies in their grave, and we must there to learn it.

From Teddy R.

It is not the critic who counts:  not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the does of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again,  because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Thought-Men

It's dusk.  

The heavens are painted blazing red mixed with sun-dance orange and purple.  Giant curled whisps of hued clouds slash the summer evening sky.  The pale glow of an eastern moon is now risen and under the shade of that mighty oak tree that coils in the over-grown fields of my mind, I sit in somber silence watching the daily parade of Thought-Men amble past me.   Some carry hand-painted signs with dark green letters that read "YOUR DREAMS," others possess tiny scraps of paper that, if I squint very very hard read "self confidence," and yet others carry nothing at all : they merely trudge past under the weight of some invisible force...not knowing when to stop, or veer; they merely follow single file until the horizon claims them one by one.  

A gentle rolling breeze now pushes against the side of my face causing my eyelids to grow heavy.  I realize that I've been watching these poor creatures for close to a decade, and every day they seem to grow more and more weary, racked by burden.  Their eyes, bereft of hope...looking to me and finding none.   

In days past...when I first arrived, they would shout, holler and cartwheel past me trying desperately to get my attention.  Their signs were bigger and bolder.  I didn't have to squint to read anything a'tall; in fact, it took two of them to carry most.  

Now....as the day draws to a close, the last one slowly shuffles past me, head hung, his small dirt- stained sign barely clinging to one hand at his side.  I realize now that I'm the cause of their suffering.  My own proclivities of complacency have caused me to dig my roots in right where I was sitting; next to that sad tangled oak.   

It's time to make a change.   I called to him hesitantly-

"Excuse me...you with the "Renewed Passion" sign...come here, lend me a hand.....I'm coming with you!"

Come to Naught?

Is it ever possible to be completely truthful in your speech or thoughts?  To what extent have we deluded ourselves?  What enigma lay behind those eyes?

Every day is lies. 

Every day is lies. 

Every day is lies. 

I scarcely think we would recognize truth if it rained down from the skies. 

The Reclamation

Someday shall be from this moment on.   My attempt has not been in vain and it shall always falter just enough to keep my pawing at the door for more; but PROGRESS- INSIGHT- i shall outstretch the branch of ignorance high into the winds of my own desire and delight in watching each leaf gradually tire and flitter away in the breeze.  

lilacs

pondering the glorious outburst of a purple lilac bush i came across today in full bloom, I was amazed to rediscover the over-simplistic truth that they require nothing more than water and sunlight to achieve their highest aim in life.   We are, undoubtedly, far more complex than many flowers- however, I think parallels can be derived from such lines of thinking.  

i choose...

to put this laptop down and go to sleep. This is early by comparison....yay me!

baby steps.

Day off Day fast so long in a flash

this was a very productive day. got a haircut, went to the bank and paid some bills, did some cleaning, did some laundry, visited old friends, and more importantly, laughed with old friends. Spent time with my parents and my HD (heavenly Dad). Went to counseling and it was a great uplifting session. Tomorrow it's back to work. Don't know why days off go so fast. I need a string of them lined up. oh well, this was more of an events blog....no one said they'd all be deep, insightful and witty, right?

Until we meet again!!

Silence DoGood.

Enduring Means or Goal Reached?

Pondering how it is that the things in our hearts which we treasure the most elude us so. Whether it be disciplines, or family, or friends, most seem just out of reach or less than they could be. The potential energy is nothing less than amazing, but I'm starting to question whether we should be chasing the end result, or just living the process as a goal. Is God after only our persistence knowing that we'll never quite "make it" this side of Heaven? If we land here we must therefore conclude the only sane option is to fall on the mercies of Almighty God and rely on His strength to carry us through; but still...how is it that we've fallen so far. How is it that we've managed to distance ourselves from all that is true? A faint echo still rings out in the quiet moments of life, when desperation and futility blend together in the murky waters of our daily lives. We hear it...and remember what we've never known. It beckons us. Listening is safe. Exploring is a dangerous proposition.

Chapter Won

I've decided on a blog. I absolutely adore that word. It sounds NOTHING like what it means.
ANYWAY, it's super late and this is just an initial set-up-let's-see-if-this-works kinda thing.
Today was more run-of-the-mill. Those days are usually strung together way too many at a time... and at times-depressing. I suppose it's of my own making though.
I've been dialoguing with God more lately. Feels good to be closer to Him...however, it feels dispassionate. It feels disjointed. It feels like the day presses against me and God out of the way.
I need to find ways to keep Him at the forefront of my thoughts and actions; probably indicative of a vocational change in the wind.
God knows. Literally. Wait...what did I just say? lol
I've decided on a New Year's Resolution too: Growing the Inner Man.
I wanted to quickly lay that out in this blog as it's only the 3rd of January and for accountability purposes ...yeah.
So, what i want to accomplish is to start making allowances for God. I want to see where that still small voice takes me. More often than not I feel like I'm operating on animalistic instinctual behavior patterns and that's not gonna land me anywhere but in a world of sin and all the ensuing frustrations.

Ok God, I'm listening...let 'er rip.

until next time.

your humble servant,

j